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    Sober recovery dating

    I had been same from my dirt job at a safe secure. To, I met Joe for our first can at a conversation just down the street. I would get problem and cry hysterically in front of him. Friends of members offer way incest on how to strike drinking.

    It was easier to talk to them than I expected. I set a limit of two hours per date, but would sometimes cut things short if I needed to. And I always kept a special dessert -- like Trader Joe's vanilla soy ice cream or snickerdoodle Sober recovery dating -- waiting for me at home as a reward. I was still learning to say no. At first, if I wasn't interested in someone, I would lie about why I didn't want to see him again, or just stop answering his calls. With one guy, I was so scared to end things that I Ang dating daan religion let it drag on for a month.

    A year later, I made an amends to him for this. The biggest difference between drunk and sober dating was that now I never kissed or slept with a guy unless I wanted to. Sometimes I did agree to meet a date at a bar. If he asked why I wasn't drinking, I had a few responses ready that I'd learned from other people in recovery: We'd been seeing each other for two weeks and I felt ready. He had a couple of beers at his apartment and I snacked on Halloween candy. Back when I'd lost my actual virginity, I had manipulated a guy into sleeping with me after a drunken debacle the week before.

    He dumped me two weeks later But with Steve, I didn't feel any need to manipulate him. There was a mutual respect and ease between us. The experience was, surprisingly, pretty great. Not long after, I got a vibe that Steve didn't want to keep dating me. But I didn't break down and cry and try to win him back. I just shrugged and moved on. I didn't tell my sponsor about my sexual activity, at first. I didn't think it was relevant. But at about six months sober, I got to Step Fou r-- which involves writing out an inventory of your past behavior, including sexual behavior. I realized then that sexual conquests were a major factor in how I cultivated self-esteem.

    When I was drinking, getting boys to like me was a part of how I made myself feel worthy-- I even wrote down all the names of the men I'd hooked up with in the back of my journals, categorizing them by month and tallying how many times we did it! And my behavior hadn't changed much just because I was sober. Admitting this to my sponsor helped. She had me write out a list of traits I was looking for in my "ideal" partner. I filled a whole page. At the top were kindness, humor, confidence in his own skin and respect for who I am and what I do. Secretly, I was hoping for a nerdy dude who shared my love of comic books and dessert -- but I kept those details to myself.

    Shortly after graduating college, six months sober, I spotted an OKCupid profile that blew me away. He was from the Midwest, like me. He was cute and loved Muppets. And he drank "Not At All. Afterwards, I met Joe for our first date at a diner just down the street. We split a plate of sweet potato fries and debated who had seen more movies. He was so comfortable in his own skin that I had no choice but to be completely sincere. The date went so well that we went on five more that week. I found out he'd never had a drink or drug in his life. On our second date, I told him I was in AA and he wasn't weirded out at all.

    Why Dating Sober Was Great for Me

    In fact, his step-mom is in the program, too, having been sober for over 30 years. My sponsor was reluctant -- I was still only six months Sober recovery dating. But she accepted my decision to pursue a relationship with Joe, as long as I continued to go to meetings and work on my steps. I promised myself I wouldn't put him on a pedestal or make him the center of my life. Sometimes it was hard to go to a meeting when all I wanted was to spend time with him, but I forced myself. I knew if I lost my sobriety, I would lose Joe.

    This month I celebrated four years of sobriety and three and a half years with Joe. Our relationship has enhanced my recovery. In his company, I've felt brave enough to tackle problems beyond my alcoholism -- like my low self-esteem, my eating disorder and my control issues. I still have a lot of Sober recovery dating to do on myself and I still go to meetings regularly. But ignoring the suggestion to not date in early sobriety seems like one of the best decisions I've ever made. Grace Kemeny is a pseudonym Sober recovery dating an actress and writer based in New York City. She performs onstage regularly in the New York City area, and can also be seen on various cable TV shows.

    She lives with her boyfriend in Brooklyn and loves to eat dessert, lift weights and go to comic conventions. Thousands of members offer valuable advice on how to stop drinking. Sober recovery is the key and core motivation behind the community. Anyone can join and contribute. See what others have said about topics like drinking and alcoholism, substance abuse or drug abuse. Add your own story and spread the sobriety. Discuss things like alcohol, substance abuse or recommend a halfway house. Quit drinking alcohol if you suffer from alcoholismsmoking or any other addiction. It has multiple display options, a powerful sobriety clock and counters, customizable messages and the ability to phone your sponsor or contact at the push of a button.

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